Hi, my name is Joybell. I'm a cat and an only child in a peaceful-smelling Christian home. My mom thinks she's human, but I know she's really a cat. Anyway, she says if you look up "scardy cat" in the dictionary, you'll find my picture next to it. I say humans have made God's world very LOUD, and LOUD is scary. Make sure to ring that awful bell if you visit my mom, so I can run upstairs and hide before she can parade me off. Once she let a whole gaggle of noisy humans over, they were talking about God and stuff, and I got trapped behind the washer because my mean mommy shut all the doors and I had no where else to hide.

Another time she abandoned me forever and ever (okay, a month, but I though she was never coming back at the time) and left me all alone with the Big Scary Man she lives with (Mom just interjected something about them being married, but we don't have that concept in my native tongue, so I'm not sure what the difference is.) I'm not sure I like Big Scary Man. He's big, he's scary, he's LOUD and he doesn't smell like my mom. People who don't smell like mom are dangerous in general, and you don't smell at all, which is even more suspicious, but you're just on this box thingy, and can't hurt me. Big Scary Man, he's not light on his feet like me and mom. I run when I see him coming, lest he step on me. Thankfully, he's gone all day and spends most of his nights on the computer. I don't think Mom appreciates his thoughtfulness as much as I do, though.

Anyway, my mom is a writer. She has an advice column , and I decided I'd like one of my own, so she directed me to shout life and helped me set this all up. As you can see, I'm not as smart as my mom, so please keep this fun! Oh, and it'd help if you asked about stuff a kitty like me would know about.

If you don't write in, I'll email myself to you and pretend you're a spider (I'm more of a bugger than a mouser.) Okay, I'm kidding. Seriously now, better write in--or I'll be forced to write stuff like, "Ways to Remind a Forgetful Mom to Feed You," "If All Else Fails, Self-Feed," "Why Spiders and Flying Insects are the Funnest" "Worst Cruelties Man Invented" (top of the list: Spray bottles, air horns, and clapping) and "Note to Self: Big Scary Man Doesn't Make a Good Tree"

Oh, Mom wants me to tell you I'm a fictional character she created and not really me. But she's lying! I know it!